super nanny

So, I got this wicked virus yesterday that made me shiver, then sweat, then puke, then have night of restless sleep, then wake up early with a back ache. It was awesome.

So, what that means is that I spent yesterday evening in bed, trying to stave off vomiting, watching network TV. Again, it was awesome.

And what happened to be on? None other than Super Nanny. You know, the show where this nanny from the U. K. comes to the homes of different American families where the kids are totally out of control. She observes, intervenes, models, and then follows up to see if the family was able to continue what she had patterned for them.

It really is a fascinating show, filled with the most interesting people. Last night's episode had this upper middle class family with two children, 8 and 11. The dad worked full time, and the mom stayed home full time. The mom was an emotional mess, and her children totally dominated her--physically, emotionally, and verbally. Of course, the dad did just about squat to change anything.

These kids would hit, scream, throw tantrums, refuse to do their homework, manipulate, swear, backtalk... you name it. And the mom would try to resist and fight, but would then be overwhlemed, give in, and even rationalize her childrens' hatred as she conversed with them.

Enter Super Nanny. Seemingly within no time, her firmness, clarity, and resolve whipped those kids into shape... not to mention the parents as well. As firm as she was with the children, she was even more so with mom and dad--who were the real culprits of all of the dysfunction in the first place. She would assess the situation, walk the parents through why all of this chaos was happening, show them what to do, observe them while they did what she told them, coached them as they did, and then debriefed with them afterwards. The whole thing was intensely personal.

Imagine for a moment if Super Nanny operated differently. What if, instead of going to the house, she simply wrote a pamphlet detailing some transferrable principles for most problem families, and then mailed it to the parents? What if the entire show consisted of the parents reading the pamphlet and then trying to apply the principles to their specific situation? Do you think the families like in the episode described above would be successful in their endeavors to change?

Hearing my parent read from a pamphlet is a little different than looking straight into the eyes of the Super Nanny, isn't it? Hearing Super Nanny's British accent is a little more convincing than reading pithy pieces of advice.

The kids and parents changed their respective behaviors not simply because of the Nanny's principles, but because of her presence. Presence.

Presence seems to be the critical ingredient.